Empty and Full

    I am definitely thankful for all that I have. I am thankful for all that I will have in the future as well. That feeling of being “full” is delightful. To be full of happiness, joy, faith, and confidence, gets me through those tough days, and those dark hours. Yes, being full is like walking around without a care in the world. It is almost as if your life is perfect, as if u have no wants and no needs. I can't lie, I have felt this way before. 
     Unfortunately, I am only human. Sometimes, that feeling of fullness isn't there. Sometimes I am not satisfied. Now here comes the perplexing and even deeper issue. I know that I am blessed. Things have been going my way and I truly can't complain. Yet I have an empty feeling inside of me. I love the lord. I have a relationship with him, and am currently building a stronger relationship with my church. So that empty feeling isn't my lack of GOD in my life. I think I know what it is though........ I am consumed with thoughts of her...... 
     I am not talking about anyone in particular. I just mean the woman I want in my life. The one that is supposed to be my queen; the one who will be by my side; the one who isn't afraid of walking through this journey we call life with me. I almost feel like a part of me is dying without her. I am not saying "Ohh I wanna fall in love and get married tomorrow." not at all lol. I just want that woman who is going to let me into her heart, the one that I want to let into my heart.
     I want her to know that she doesn't have to be afraid to love me. She doesn't have to be afraid to trust me. I want her to know that the feelings she has for me are real and visa versa. I want to give that part of myself to her. Each day that I spend "alone" as in single without even a hint of her, or the possibility of me meeting her, hurts. Yep it really does. I tend to ask GOD why. “Why can't u send her to me? I see my friends, family, and others with their woman, yet I stand alone..... Is it because she isn't ready for me? Is it because I am not ready for her?”. Then I remember not to question him. I am glad we have a merciful lord. He knows my mind, heart, and soul. I thank him for his love and forgiveness each day. 
    As far as her, I hope to meet you soon. When the time comes, I will be ready and I won't ever hold back. You can be confident in me and know that I will be the King you deserve. Until then I will continue to enjoy life. I will continue to invest in myself and grow as a person. I will continue to express myself through my various outlets................


Love, Peace, and Tranquility