Conversation On The Moon

I visited the moon last night and had a conversation with the stars,
They said “We’re tired because we just got back from mars”,
I said “I'm tired too there's a lot to deal with on earth”,
They said “Yeah but at least you know your worth”.

They flew off back to where they came from,
but left me with some advice and then some,
They said “Rob we can tell you are wise beyond your years,
So keep ya circle close and understand that being misunderstood comes with tears,

Head back home and continue to value your own worth,
Because you’re the only one that can cause your own hurt,
You might not understand now but you will soon,
See you next time on top of the moon”.

A Part of me Must go in Order for me to Grow.

     Someone once told me that I am in love with the idea of being in love... Yeah what the heck does that mean right? Well, the thought of being with that special person, being in love, and growing together is a wonderful thought. Creating memories together, starting a family, and supporting each other’s dreams.... I know I am not crazy for wanting this. It just seems to be a figment of my imagination now. When I come close to this dream, things always get in the way. I chalk it up to chance, or the devil being busy, or just one of life's challenges. I continue to reserve my time, effort, and energy for the possibility of love. Yet, I don't have it. I feel like I am climbing an endless mountain. The climate is getting worse, and the air is getting thinner. My life means too much to me to throw it away on a chance, or something that is unsure. Ok this isn't life or death, but you know what I mean.
     I love my sister Tricy. She is like the physical version of my conscience. When I know I need to move in a certain direction, I call her and lay it all out. Once again, she has come through. We just keep it real with each other. What she advised me to do was to focus on what I have and not what I want, or hope for. Not saying give up completely, but focus on what you have control over. She's good. I think I’m start paying her lol lol.
     Back to me. Well,  work, organizations, karate, friendships, and love are always on my mind and splitting my attention. The splitting evens it out so that each area is present, but none can be strengthened because I am worn too thin. Love is in the lead. My schedule is cleared on purpose, and I have invested in other facets relating to my love life. I am making progress, but not as much as I would hope for. Now my other areas of control need my attention. But something must go.
     “Why don’t you do them all?” “Manage your time better.” “Just change your approach.” Blah Blah Blah..... I have heard almost all of it. Now me knowing myself, I tend to go all in when it comes to things. If I am going to in love, that's where my focus and energy will go. If I am focused on money, then the same thing applies. I have a fear... the fear of forgetting love for the sake of my other areas of control. Crazy huh?
     Now, back to the mountain.... I am calling in the chopper.... the emergency crew, and anybody else that can get me off of this mountain. The love mountain has defeated me. I am just tired of being tired. I need a break. Last time I climbed off of this mountain, I almost left it alone completely. I am off this for now. I will try to keep my mind open to the idea, but no more climbing. Next time I try to climb that mountain, I want her to be with me.
     I am strapping on my life jacket and packing my emergency flares. I am heading out to the sea known as my life. Organizations, karate, friendships, and work. It is time to just let love float behind as I attempt to regain control. Love I will miss you, but you are in the way of possible opportunities for me. 
   Well that's just where I am right now. I am going be here for a while and das cool. Just more time for me. This is just me. It doesn't mean I am cutting anyone off or mad or upset, no not at all. I am just taking a chill pill. Sometimes you gotta take a step back and really check yaself. Gut check time for me. I am going to be a little down for a while, but the results will be worth it.


Peace, Love, and Hope to you all.
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Empty and Full

    I am definitely thankful for all that I have. I am thankful for all that I will have in the future as well. That feeling of being “full” is delightful. To be full of happiness, joy, faith, and confidence, gets me through those tough days, and those dark hours. Yes, being full is like walking around without a care in the world. It is almost as if your life is perfect, as if u have no wants and no needs. I can't lie, I have felt this way before. 
     Unfortunately, I am only human. Sometimes, that feeling of fullness isn't there. Sometimes I am not satisfied. Now here comes the perplexing and even deeper issue. I know that I am blessed. Things have been going my way and I truly can't complain. Yet I have an empty feeling inside of me. I love the lord. I have a relationship with him, and am currently building a stronger relationship with my church. So that empty feeling isn't my lack of GOD in my life. I think I know what it is though........ I am consumed with thoughts of her...... 
     I am not talking about anyone in particular. I just mean the woman I want in my life. The one that is supposed to be my queen; the one who will be by my side; the one who isn't afraid of walking through this journey we call life with me. I almost feel like a part of me is dying without her. I am not saying "Ohh I wanna fall in love and get married tomorrow." not at all lol. I just want that woman who is going to let me into her heart, the one that I want to let into my heart.
     I want her to know that she doesn't have to be afraid to love me. She doesn't have to be afraid to trust me. I want her to know that the feelings she has for me are real and visa versa. I want to give that part of myself to her. Each day that I spend "alone" as in single without even a hint of her, or the possibility of me meeting her, hurts. Yep it really does. I tend to ask GOD why. “Why can't u send her to me? I see my friends, family, and others with their woman, yet I stand alone..... Is it because she isn't ready for me? Is it because I am not ready for her?”. Then I remember not to question him. I am glad we have a merciful lord. He knows my mind, heart, and soul. I thank him for his love and forgiveness each day. 
    As far as her, I hope to meet you soon. When the time comes, I will be ready and I won't ever hold back. You can be confident in me and know that I will be the King you deserve. Until then I will continue to enjoy life. I will continue to invest in myself and grow as a person. I will continue to express myself through my various outlets................


Love, Peace, and Tranquility

And I wonder

Just when I think I know it all, I don't lol. Yeah things happen and changes are sometimes made at a moments notice. That won't stop me though. I am used to change. Heck I went to 3 different elementary schools, 2 middle schools, and live in two extremely different states within the span on 5 years. I've seen the results of change. They could go either way. Its all about how u look at it. I look at change as, supposed to. Huh? supposed to? Yea supposed to... Change is a part of life. Things are supposed to change.  Could u imagine if everything in your life was always the same? That would suck.  Well at any rate, I embrace and adapt to change. I see it everyday in my career too. 


On a completely unrelated note. I wonder what's up with some of the people in my life. Everyone I call a friend is someone I admire and pull from. They all have something in common. They all accept Rob for Rob. The nerdy, cool, loving, caring, friendly, intelligent, determined, and always good for a laugh Rob. I love that, and for that reason Ima always be me. There is a reason why i am accepted in so many different circles. There is a reason why I go through some of the things I go through. There is a reason why it isn't always easy being "me". Its because anything worth having in life must me worked on and worked for. Therefore I refuse to let change or unfavorable circumstance change that universally loved "me" into someone else. Ima just tuck my head and run through it all and enjoy the sunshine at the end of my journey.




Peace, Love, and Certainty 


Be easy ya'll Love Life.

Vroom Vroom!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So if u know me well, u know i've wanted a motorcycle for a while now. Its been a tough decision, but i think ima go with a GSXR-750 out the gate if I can't find a deal on a FZ6R Yamaha. Bikes just seem so wild and free. They are the modern day horses on the road. I will ride my stallion off into the sunset with the wind on my scalp lol. As for those who don't want me to get a bike, sorry. No disrespect, but its my life and this is something I want. Yeah I know they are dangerous and people die on motorcycles and all that. I have given that serious thought and have accepted the risks. I do promise to wear protective gear in order to help protect myself. Sometimes life just pulls you towards that 1 extreme. This is mine. 


Vroom Vroom.

A love letter.....

I've never  met anyone like you before. Seriously. Nah i'm being real with you right now. I met when I was a child. I got to know you in high school. I fell in love with you as the years past. You have always been there for me no mater what. When I am up and on top of the world, you were there. When I am down and unsure of the future, you are there. Ever since we've me you've been by my side. There have been times when i've had to leave you alone because I became too attached. I couldn't handle the emotions that came with dealing with you. Even now your here with me on this sleepless night. Soothing me, easing my pain, putting my mind at ease. Telling me it will be ok. Telling me that I can do anything I put my mind to. Daring me to attempt the impossible. Encouraging me to follow my dreams. *Sigh* I will never leave you. You are always true to me. Always open honest and straight to the point. I wish I could have you to myself, but I know I can't. I understand why I have to share you. One person can't keep you to themselves. Das kool with me though. I keep you around all the time and our relationship is truly unique because I am just that different. I am going to begin a new journey with you. I am going to revisit our relationship. I am going to dedicate myself to you in order to fulfill a selfish need I have. This is just another reason why I love you. You let me use you as I see fit, trusting me to do the right thing, as I shall. 


I love you music. I am not afraid to say it and show it. I will always love you, because I know that you love me too.


Tranquility, Love, and awareness ya'll


P.S.
I will be writing you again soon. We will be together again soon. This time we will create a new, yet familiar sound together. Hopefully it will serve as a personal reminder of my natural talent and poetic spirit. 

I don't have all the answers. I'm ok with that too.

Just reflecting on some things that have happened in my life. I am blessed to even be alive, free, educated, and employed. Something has always been there to kinda I guess stop me from falling flat on my face. Seriously. I remember being home alone making toast one time, was like in elementary school, and trying to dig in the toaster with completely silver knife in order to spread some butter on the toast. The toaster was on and read hot. I remember the sparks shooting off of the tip of the knife. Honestly, I believe under normal circumstances I should have been electrocuted. Yet, I wasn't. I remember almost drowning in the back yard as a child and my older brother jumping in after me just in the nick of time. I remember having a massive headache. To young to even know what a dosage was. Hell I couldn't even read that word. All I knew was that you took this lil pills to get rid of the pain. I popped like 3 or 4 of them. Not sure how safe that was, but as a grown man I would even do that. Ummm yeah my brushes with certain death or serious injury have all been prevented. I am not invincible, nor do I have special powers. I am just blessed. That is the conclusion that I have come to.  I remember my first year in high school. These five seniors, ok they was some big dudes, pulled me into a corner in the courtyard. One of them gave me a brown bag and wanted me to walk it across the yard and give it to somebody. He didn't exactly ask either. What was in the bag? I have no idea. I was scared, but I thought to myself, walk this across the yard and get beat down. I took one step with the bag and one of the dudes said. " Nah yo he a young bol." He took the pack out my hand and told me to just leave. Don't know what made him step up and say something, but i'm glad he did. Once again I was saved. I just thank God for getting me this far.  Fall of 2009 trying to finish the last semester of school. Student teaching and loving it. One weekend I was headed to da metro wit my boy. Slick road and rainy conditions. Traffic was thick and we were at a complete stand still. As we sat still holding a conversation, my boy looks in the rearview and says one word. I tried to turn to see what he was looking at. Next thing I know my face is slamming against the dashboard. We just got smashed by another car. That car had to be doing bout 50mph. It caused 3 cars to be totaled. Anything could have happened to me as a result. Once again here I am. 


Sorry not strong enough to keep writing this right now. To be continued......


Peace, love, and joy to you all