Next Step

I feel like a new man. My life is very different now. Things have changed, and I have adjusted accordingly. Where am I now? Who knows lol lol lol. The beautiful and exciting feeling of the unknown. Yeah, things have changed, but my place is still the same. I love not knowing every single calculated step in my life. I just live and look forward to the next day. What I want outta life is still the same, success in short. I love myself. No seriously, I love myself. I love all of my imperfections, and I take care of myself. Been exercising lately as a part of bettering myself. Apartment is always nice and clean, I mean almost womanly clean lol. I am seeing more and more each day what life is about for me. Change and adaptations. Stop complaining about what's wrong and what you want. Instead, embrace your short comings, analyze them and then ask yourself, " What can I do to change this?" Now, the hard part, actually doing something about it. LOL LOL. I been nice and fluffy and flabby for a long time, yet i didn't care. Honestly I don't care now. Yet I know that eventually I wanted to lose the flab and get in better shape. I don't have to get all ripped and muscled out, just in shape. So, one day I looked at myself and said, " Yo time to lose this weight.". Then I found a work out plan just for me. Got some advice from friends, and went at it. I do a light workout about 3 days a week and jog, or attempt to jog, 1 mile 3 days a week. BAM!!!!! Even more important that starting this is finishing this. I don't wanna just start, lose weight, and then stop. I want my healthy ways to become a part of my lifestyle. That's definitely some grown up stuff for ya. Lifestyle changes are extremely important to me. It is something that I started about 2 months ago. I am done with temporary improvements. Why not improve and continue to improve instead of just saying  " Hey all better, guess i'm done with that." . Yeah that applies to some things, but not all things. The next step is whatever you want it to be. Always remember that change is possible, all you have to do is act on it. 


Peace, love, and success.

The Reality Of It.

I express myself in various ways. Sometimes it's clear and sometimes it's unclear. Yet for some reason I always receive some type of reaction. As of late, I have been expressing myself loud and clear. Guess what?!?!?!? Someone responded. I expressed myself via my profession. Someone took notice. A question was asked, and a conversation began. To my surprise and delight the conversation continued. Now here we are months later " feeling some type of way.". Everything is everything. I like the way she makes me feel. I like the fact that I can call and or text her knowing I will get a response. I like the fact that we care about what goes on in each others lives. That is hard to find these days. We not rushing anything, and we are not saying we are meant to be, or dating, or even that we are going to date/be together. We are just enjoying each other. I can speak for myself in saying I really like her. This is a different type of like. My eyes have been opened to a lot of things as of late. It seems as though my own evolution is continuous and I love that about myself. So when I look at her I say, " I wonder how long she can put up with me? I wonder if she can keep up with a man like me? Ok, can I keep up with her? Is she what I want?" From what I see and what I know, YES. What happens next who knows. Just taking it one day at a time. 


P.S.
Doesn't hurt that she's sexy either. She's also got a sense of humor. She also..... ok let me end this before I begin to carry on too much.

It's That Real

Feelings, thoughts, hopes, dreams and fantasies. They all feel so real. You ever get caught up in any of these things? Is there anything wrong with that? Escaping reality for your own place of freedom and security. Hoping, wishing, dreaming, feeling, and fantasizing while the rest of the world deals with reality. We are all of guilty of this. We all have our getaways. Sometimes I forget that reality exists. My perception of reality is my own reality. My reality is what I decide it is. Yeah, that's what it is. I understand that there are things that are real. Reality in itself is a perception of what we all have created. Each person's reality is different, in a sense. I am in control of what's real in my life, just like your in control of what's real in your life. Take advantage of that. Control your reality. My reality is perfect. I enjoy the ups, downs, and surprises that arise. I am in control.

To be seen for the first time.

This is just me being real about a situation. Nobody has ever looked at me the way you have. You viewed me with your very being and you saw the man that I am without any doubts or apprehension. For the first time in my life I feel like someone looked at me and actually saw me. I know i'm in left field right now, but u probably right here with me. I can see the smile on your face as you read this. :). Thank you for being the woman you are. As usually timing and life have a way of showing you what you want, but that doesn't mean it's time for you to have it. You make me feel some type of way. 


The funny thing is I see you too. I look at you the exact same way you look at me. I see you. More than that I feel you too. That's a feeling I wanna get used to. I can't help but wonder what if. You know? You said a lot of things to me and you also assured me of a lot of things too. I believe you. You don't have a reason to lie to me or to hurt me so why shouldn't I. 


I am glad you are a part of my life. People like you are rarer than anything I can honestly think of right now. Your the touch I needed, your the beat that I wanna write my lyrics to, your the dose of reality that I can't get anywhere else, your the physical manifestation of my thoughts when i'm alone and in deep thinking, you are that painting that completes a room in a house, you are that cool breeze that creates a perfect day, you are the inspirations for my artistic thoughts on nights like this. 


You will always have a place in my heart because of what you have shown me about myself. I just wanted to dedicate this to you. This is how I feel and how I wanted to express it to you. They say distance makes the heart grow fonder.... Ohhhh!!!!! Nah but for real my sis told me that you can't set boundaries on what you want and how you feel. Only time will tell what happens next. 


I am visable........

A Woman's Touch

You ever had a moment where you just needed someone next to you? Not in a " I'm lonely type of way", I mean like to feel the energy of another next to you. Just to feel the warmth and comfort...... It's such a soothing feeling. It's not a physical thing all the time. It is also mentally soothing for me. It just brings me down sometimes. I can forget about stress, problems, and other BS. The touch of a woman is something that can't be replaced, replicated, or imitated. If I could have that feeling all day, I would definitely be in a constant state of calm and reassurance. The funny thing is that every touch is different, I am curious to see how many different feelings that I will experience in my life. I just get a vibe, a feeling, a magnetic attraction that beckons me. As of late I just been wanting a new touch, a new feeling. Maybe i'm crazy, or maybe I am just in my own world who knows and who cares. I wonder when I will feel my next touch? How will she make me feel? Women are precious in so many ways that I can't count. I just wish more of them realized how precious they actually are. There's nothing like a woman's touch.

Thoughts about the truth.

This is just coming from a place inside of me that I usually keep to myself. You make me smile like no one has in a very long time. We made a connection that is rare and strange. The kind that is so right, so perfect, that it's scary. Yet we never ran from it. We never kept how we felt a secret from each other. If only we could be together. If only we were at the same point in our lives. Making a decision like the one we did was tough. Too tough. It was definetly a decision that had to be made. End it all before we go to far or get too attached, knowing that we are worlds apart, or living with the reality that we live in two very different worlds yet we share common ground that is rarely found between two people. Can we honsesly just be friends? Get used to the idea that we could be with " someone else" will we ever truely be ok with that? I hate the fact that these questions will be bouncing around in my head for a very long time. What's even worse is that I can't answer any of them. If nothing else becomes of us or even if we were to completely part ways, you showed me something that I forgot. Beautiful, intellegent, understanding, respectable, ambicious, sensual, and free spirited women still exist. I found one. I truely believe I found one. Is she the one for me, or is she just a reminder of what i've been looking for and the proof that it still exists? Once again my mind is riddled with ideas, thoughts, and questions that pull me into a place of discomfort and personal reflections.

The heart, does it have a mind of its own?

          My heart is a part of me, yet its a separate entity. It has a way of controlling me sometimes. It overrides my mind, and pushes my logic and reason to the side at times. I wonder why that is? It's crazy, scary, and exciting. The term "follow your heart" holds a lot of meaning to me. It has help guide me down the path that I am on today. I don't always follow my heart though. At times it's out of fear and uncertainty, and other times I am just denying my feelings. I hate fighting with my heart. Those are some draining arguments. 

          You have to be careful with your heart though. It is an extremely strong muscle, yet it can easily be harmed or even broke. I have a big heart that is divided into sections that I share with my loved ones. However, I do have a special section that is reserved for that " special lady" to be. Sometimes it gets anxious and wants me to jump into situations just for the sake of " feeling good" or  "filling an empty space. I know better. I know that I must protect my heart, yet still be willing to leave it open to possibilities. This is a delicate process that I learn more about every day. 

Peace everybody.